Family of Origin Values on Money: What We Teach Our Children

Written by: Dr. Carol L. Schnabl Schweitzer

 

When I talk with parents or adults about the value they place on stewardship or generosity, I begin by asking a series of questions about what they learned in their families of origin as children. Faithful stewardship or generosity is, for most of us, a learned behavior. Some sample questions are:

1) When did you become aware of your family’s social class, income level, and financial resources?

2) How did your family make decisions about charitable giving? (Was it about tax deductions, gratitude, or discipleship?)

3) At what age did you have your first job? (Or, at what age were your church offerings a contribution from your own allowance or wages?)

4) What roles have family members played with respect to money? (Examples: gambler, tightwad, compulsive shopper, bargain hunter, miser, spendthrift, or hoarder.)

5) What attitudes did or does your family of origin have toward money? Some examples: Money is power; Money is the root of evil; Money is a resource to be used wisely.

6) What kinds of conflicts or emotions arise when estates are settled?[1]

The lessons I learned, especially as I was confirmed, still shape my attitude toward stewardship and generosity today—we give out of gratitude, as a response to what God has already given us. I received my first allowance when I received my first pledge card in confirmation class. How I would use it was my decision. My thirteen year old generosity, though small in amount, was large in percentage—25%!

Read Luke 12:13-21 and Matthew 6:19-21.

In the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21), Jesus responds to a question about inheritance. In vs. 15, Jesus says, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in abundance of possessions.” Jesus does not condemn those who have money or possessions because they have wealth. He does, however, admonish those who have more to be “rich toward God” (vs. 21).

Questions for Reflection

1) Where are your treasures stored up?
2) What values that you learned in childhood would you like to pass on to the next generation?

 

[1]For those who would like to continue their family of origin work, see: McGoldrick, M. (2011). The Genogram Journey: Reconnecting with Your Family. New York: W.W. Norton, especially chapter 9 (pp. 277-314).